| Tonight, Tonight |
[12 Sep 2004|12:21am] |
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So yeah.. today? Worked 9 hours.. came home.. lost a friend. The usual, right? No.. because this person was once a great friend to me. I don't know what happened, and I miss it, but I guess things change..
I met the undisclosed boy tonight that I described last night. We went to Danbury's.. him, and his two female friends. It was a fucking blast. We ate at Fazoli's.. and the fun started when we got back to his house. We were riding each other, tickling each other, I could white boy dance for fun in front of them, and this boy... could.. REALLY.. dance.. better than Chris Carper.. like.. THE BEST i've ever seen, and he's never been to a club in his life... he's not even 16 yet! So wow! It was a great night. I needed it.
I miss my friend. (His name is BOBBY)
Work at 6am. G'night all.
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| September 8, 2004 |
[08 Sep 2004|10:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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exhausted |
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music |
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Hilary Duff - "Why Not?" |
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Today has been exhausting, exhilarating, and dyslexic for me.
And now it is over! I now have a text for honors 12 -- an english translated version of Gilgamesh; and this brightens my day.
As for seeing someone tonight, someone from the past .. -- I didn't. I went to family dinner instead.
Thus ends my night with about two hours of homework, reading, and studying. Now I shall retire.
I just asked Joe Monnin to dinner at ChiChi's on Friday via text message. He will probably say yes, but he hasn't responded yet.
Stay posted for tomorrow's update.
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| The day that's tomorrow's yesterday |
[07 Sep 2004|10:48pm] |
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Today wasn't so bad. Not much homework.. so the day was not stressful.
School 7-2, Work 2-6, Show Choir 6-9. Busy. Hopefully Barnes n' Noble in Beavercreek will have Epic of Gilgamesh; the epic poem novel I would prefer over many.
I filled my gas tank with Shell's new V-Power gasoline. $1.99/gallon, but the car is so quiet when in neutral, and it accelerates with more power.. it's strikingly intriguing.
Not much else to say. In referral to last night's and previous entries.. -- I did alright, today. I did alright.
In other news -- there is this beautiful boy from West Milton who shows extreme interest in me. So much so.. that I don't like it, because he puts it out there so much. He's hot enough to be a model, but his mind is insecure, immature, and just literally not very educated (he's 15, soon to be 16.. he has no idea what the ACT is, nor the meanings to several "bigger" conceptive terms I use in my common vocabulary). This is a possible boy to have fun with and date, but I don't think it will turn into anything serious. He's a Scropio. And I can already see his sadistic side. (Didn't say it was a bad thing! The only thing that does annoy me, is that he sometimes utilizes sentences such as "well i'll leave you alone now since you probably don't want to talk to me.." -- and when people say things like that, it pisses me off to no end.)
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| Rain turned Acidic |
[06 Sep 2004|06:05pm] |
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We don't talk anymore and it kills me inside. We had a text message convo, and I told him that I wanted to talk to him in person about the closure that he wanted to talk about. He responded with "okay whatever".. so I said "well if you feel that i'm worth the time, then do. if not, then don't. either way i will be fine."
That's a lie. I won't be fine if he doesn't want to sit down and talk to me. I will be hurt and dissappointed. But if it doesn't happen.. then I'll just know what I have to do.
I'm going to run. That's the only thing I can do right now that will feel like it may help. I'll update in a week or so.
I look at the pictures on my walls and I've lost that. I gave up all my friends for a boy.. for a love of my life. I gave it all up.. all that happiness.. I put it into one source, and that source is gone.. so is all my happiness. Maybe I can rebuild it to what it once was.
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[28 Aug 2004|08:12pm] |
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I have never been so angry in my fucking life, I beat the fucking hell out of my fucking pillows and I want to take something and destroy it because what I am getting is NOT fair at all and what is happening is NOT fair and NONE of it is fair to me and I want to take a knife and fucking stab my wall and rip it to pieces or run my car into the fuck ditch and set it on fire and watch it blow up or do something God fucking DAMMIT ALL URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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| The world keeps spinning and here I am.. |
[26 Aug 2004|10:39pm] |
There are no original 1st shift workers at Tim Horton's anymore.
How dearly I do miss them. *sniffle*
School starts Monday. Bobby moves away in a month. Things are not the same. Things are going to change. I know this, I feel this in a way. And I can do nothing to change fate.
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| Once upon a time, the silence was broken |
[17 Aug 2004|07:59pm] |
It still feels like it's been awhile since I've updated.. today was alright. Worked 12-6. My dad stopped by to let me know that the family is eating at Bamboo Grill for dinner, so I met them there.
Came home. Got online. Talked to Bobby for a little bit.. the conversation kinda died out and he had to go, so I just signed off AIM. I think I need to take a break from the internet. I really do believe I'm addicted. Fuck. That sucks, ya? Hrmm. Dunno what to do about it. Oh well. I don't mind being an addict -- but I guess that's how it works when you're 'addicted' to something.
Jay Jay and Jared both got fired. Jay Jay didn't show up for her shift and didn't call in. So now we're hiring again. As long as they give me the hours I've requested while I'm attending school, things will be okay. If not, I'll be fucking pissed because I've been there since the store opened, and I get priority over new trainees once we get them.
Megann is going to make 6.50 an hour and I've been there longer than her. Does that seem a little not fair? Oh well. I'll get over it and live.
That's about it for today. I'm supposed to go out and do something with Bobby Thursday, but I have no clue what to do. And he has no suggestions.. and we've always had food and a movie every time we go out.. I want to mix it up, but what else is there to do in Dayton? Nothing! I'm too young to go clubbing with him!
Ashley's band plays at Peach's Grill at midnight, hopefully I can go to that with my mom or anybody else.
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| Lost from the Addiction.. |
[16 Aug 2004|12:56pm] |
So I haven't updated in a long time here. Dunno why. Probably because I have a written journal I now write in a lot.. even though typing is really faster..
My weekend was alright. Worked 1st shift Saturday & Sunday; so that was fun. Started talking to Elaina again.
And I want to quit Show Choir. But I won't, because I made a commitment. I'm just tired of the bullshit that strings along with it; the game of favorites; but most of all.. how it's NOT a family anymore.
I had a talk with Tricia last night. And our friendship will never be the same because the straight boy she loves can't control his jealous urges when she hangs off of a gay man (aka me). God, boys are so fucking stupid sometime. I let Marisa Baker walk all over me before school was out about this issue; but I don't give a fuck anymore. This is how I feel and I told Tricia; and it's none of Marisa's business anyways.
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| The acid only burns when you drop it right on my face.. |
[10 Aug 2004|11:27pm] |
So my heart is aching right now because I feel like a burden.. because some of Bennie's friends lashed out at me for no reason, and it hurts. And Michael attacked me eariler about Bobby, and about how I've always ditched him and Ashley. And Ian attacked Bobby tonight.. and a lot of people who think bad of Bobby have hurt him, and that hurts me because they don't even know him, they don't know how wonderful he is or how much of a sweetheart he is, they just don't know! And they judge; and they make assumptions. It's not fair to him! It's not fair to anyone. And he feels like he needs to get out of Ohio because of it-- but he isn't the one that should have to leave-- it should be those assholes who judge! But we all know the world doesn't work that way. :-(
So now the night is ending shitty.. but it started great.. I went over to Bobby's and crawled into bed with him.. took a shower together.. had lunch at Friday's together.. and cuddled a lot. I heart him so much!
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| "As the Timbit Rolls.." - Carolyn |
[09 Aug 2004|10:39pm] |
Well, I haven't updated in a long time, because I haven't had the urge. Bobby and I are a lot closer, now. In fact, I'm spending the whole day with him tomorrow.. getting up around 7am.. driving over to his house.. crawling into his bed.. cuddling.. and then getting up and taking a shower together.. all that good stuff.
Went to Kara's wedding. I love her. I kept Tiffany from breaking down about Tommy.
After the wedding I went straight to a park near Airway in Dayton, to meet up with Bobby. I had an amazing night with him.
Went out with Bennie last night. He kept putting off when we were going to hang out, til it was finally 6:30 and he decided on 7:30.. so we were supposed to have dinner together, alone, because we haven't seen each other in a week.. and when I meet up with him he wants to hang with his friends instead, so we go over there.. and become bored off our asses. I've found out through dating him, that my feelings for him are not that strong; and that the potential that was there isn't going to be. He's leaving for college soon anyways, so that will break things off for me.
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